Truth from the Heart: lonely

Change

11:21:00 AMUnknown

I've never been homesick. The first time I went to camp, I was in fifth grade. About mid-week, our cabin got a bad case of homesickness. All the girls ended up crying into their pillows, moaning about wanting to go home to see their families. I knew what they were crying about, but I did not understand it. I was so secure in the idea that my family would be exactly the same when I returned home. My dad would cook dinner while my mom pelted me with questions about my day. I knew what I was missing, so I wasn't worried about missing it. I knew things would never change.

I was wrong.

Things definitely change. It seems obvious, but it doesn’t really sink in until someone completely surprises you when you aren’t looking. Last year, I was in Austria, having the most amazing semester of my life, studying Philosophy and traveling Europe. I was so excited to be there, but for the first time in my life, I was homesick. The reason? My sister was expecting a baby girl, due mid-February. I wanted to be there so badly, to meet my new niece, to hold her, to tell her how much she was loved. Instead, I found out via Facebook in an Internet café in Munich. I promptly burst into tears at the sight of that new life, flooded with love, sadness, guilt, and so much homesickness. That semester was just the beginning of my understanding of real change.

At first, it seemed like change was something I just had to cope with: not intrinsically good or bad, just inevitable. I knew change was inevitable, and I figured that it was just something I had to deal with. But I realized that change is not just inescapable, it is necessary. Without change, we would not be able to grow, to think, to love, to hope, to work, or to live. The human person is a living being. We experience life through the lens of our senses. This constant stream of information affects us. It molds our opinions, our attitudes, our values. This in turn affects how we live our lives and the decisions we make. Acknowledging this process allows us to look forward to new experiences as learning opportunities.

Despite the changes life brings us, we are in control of the way in which we internalize these experiences. Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, stated, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”(1) As a prisoner of a Nazi concentration camp, Frankl’s statement carries serious weight. Frankl was in the midst of one of the most heinous environments known to man. Death camps were designed to break people mentally and physically, and yet, Frankl insists that we are able to change inside despite our surroundings. At first glance, this may not seem like any great feat, but it really is monumental. As stated, we are affected by our experiences, but we have the power to react. We choose how to respond to our experiences. We are not programmed to perform; we have the ability to decide. Armed with this knowledge, we can look forward to change, even change that may not be for the better.

In Austria, I was unable to change my situation. I was an ocean away from my family, stuck with the Internet as my sole means of communication. At first, I felt really guilty about not being there for my sister and her husband as they started their family. But I realized that I was being selfish. Elizabeth was going to be born whether I was ready or not. Instead of focusing on things beyond my control, I instead decided to respond with affection. I wrote to my sister on Facebook, offering my congratulations, I shopped for a souvenir for my niece, and I looked forward to the day that I could see her in person. These small tasks may not seem like much, but to me, they made all the difference. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, I was able to change my internal response. So when I finally did meet Elizabeth, instead of grieving over lost time, I was able to show her all the love I had been feeling for the past three months.

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Lindsay Russell

I am an aspiring Philosopher. I like to think about philosophy underlying daily life. I love dark chocolate, red wine, Tim Horton's Iced Capps and pickles. I love to travel and I want to see the Northern Lights before I die. I once bought a car I couldn't drive.

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(1) Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

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The Pain of the Leper

6:00:00 AMCristina Ramos

I dread being sick.

More than the discomfort of a runny nose, cough, or sore throat is the overwhelming feeling of sudden isolation.

I am quarantined: I go into my room, shut the door, keep the tissues and medicine nearby, and patiently wait for the bug to pass. I am isolated from everyone and, for the sake of everyone’s health, the world is probably quite grateful for my choice to withdraw.

But the isolation gets to me, which is a funny thing for me to say for an introvert who cherishes a lot of alone time. There’s something to be said about this introvert feeling isolated. There’s a distinction here: it’s not just “alone time,” nor a time to rest, re-center, and take care of my body; it’s not even that I have removed myself from society for a few days.

It’s the overwhelming feeling that society has removed itself from me.

I have been removed from society not so much by choice, but by a societal expectation for the common good of others to not spread the germs I have. Because of this expectation, I am left with this unshakable feeling of being untouchable: this is what pierces my isolation, this is what affects me far more than the original illness itself.

Think about it.

One of our first instincts when someone coughs near us is to step away — and for good reason. Of course we don’t want to get sick. Yet it is worth noting that our first response to illness is: distance. It is rare for a person to reach out to a sick person beyond the verbal “get better soon” and “oh, sorry to hear that.” In our effort to not get sick ourselves, we impose, perhaps unintentionally, an even greater sickness upon our brothers and sisters: loneliness.

I am moved with both sympathy and shame when reminded of the plight of leprosy.

Before the cure for leprosy was discovered, lepers were considered among the most unclean in society. No one dared visit or touch them. Even the religious of the time did not take the risk of coming near their presence. Though they had done nothing wrong, lepers were rejected by everyone. They had no one to console them, to love them, not even the supposed “people of God.”

I am moved with sympathy because I can only imagine how painful such an isolated life would be. If I am saddened by a few days of isolation, how much more painful would it be to go through a lifetime of this? Aside from the given lack of physical touch, imagine how deeply these people were also wounded emotionally and spiritually by others--by the way people looked at or talked about them. The lepers were not only shunned physically from society, but disgraced verbally and distanced emotionally from the community as a whole. Lepers were cast off into the wilderness in every way. Their lives were the epitome of isolation.

I am also struck with shame by stories of the lepers because the temptation to isolate others is still true today, of which, I am also guilty. Perhaps my circumstances are not as extreme as shunning an entire group of people to a far off mountain or cave, but shunning still happens, and the feeling of isolation is still just as painful for those who must endure it.

Consider those of us who face cancer, HIV/AIDS, skin deformities, unplanned pregnancies, down syndrome or any number of possible societal "set-backs." How often have we used the term “value of life” to qualify whether or not their lives are even worth living?

Take a good hard look in the mirror.

How do we nurture and love these persons? How do we include them? How do we go above and beyond to demonstrate that they are just as important to community life and to humanity as anyone else is? How have we communicated that we have just as much to learn from them, if not more, as anyone else? How have our actions or inactions instigated their depression or lack of self-worth?

The list doesn’t end there. How often do we hold societal or personal stigmas against a broader range of people? Groups that may hit closer to home: those with emotional disorders, eating disorders, alcoholism, varying sexual addictions, the poor, the underprivileged, and those who are attracted to the same-sex? We have a slew of fancy names to categorize our own prejudices: racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. But I don’t believe these categories are nearly far reaching enough to describe the final “ism” we have for people: perfectionism.

Ultimately, it is our perfectionism that blinds us.

It narrows us.

We buy into a list of rules of how people ought to be, behave, look, act, sound, spend, etc. It is a list whose classifications portray a “holier than thou” attitude. But the truth is, when we place others in a box, we instantaneously place ourselves in an even smaller box. In categorizing others, we end up proclaiming our own inability to love perfectly and fail to love through imperfections. The moment we try to measure the "quality” of another’s life by material standards is the moment we have declared our own inability to understand true “quality” at all. When we fail to love others in our perfectionism, we lack the reverence to honor their inherent value.

In Fundamental Moral Values, Hildebrand discusses how loving one another goes hand in hand with having authentic reverence. He writes:

The basic attitude of reverence is the presupposition for every true love, above all, the love of neighbor, because it alone opens our eyes to the value of men as spiritual persons, and because, without this awareness, no love is possible. (1)

Perhaps not all of us have made a New Year’s resolution yet, or have given thought to making a Lenten promise, but as for me, I have chosen to to serve more, to give more, to grow in reverence, to love more.

I cannot bear the thought of going another moment, whether purposive or accidental, of categorizing anyone.

I will not do it.

I feel my own share of isolation when I am sick or saddened and I do not want others to feel the same. The virus of loneliness and a broken heart is far more contagious, far reaching, and detrimental than any other imperfection of the heart or body. Greater than improving the “quality of life” is a need to improve the quality of hearts. The answer to all this, to properly “measure” the quality of life is: immeasurable, unconditional love.

So I encourage you: touch the untouchable, embrace the unloveable, take joy amidst suffering. Respond to the human person before us, rejoice in the gift of life, and thus discover the remedy for the true pain of the leper.

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Cristina Ramos

I love the beach.

The rhythmic motion of waves is always sure to put me at ease. Its stillness is where I can clearly hear the voice of God. It is also where I experience the best capacity to sing, dance, write and contemplate life on all levels, whether philosophical or spiritual. With everything I face, I remember to carry with me faith, passion, sweet dance moves and a good laugh.

In the future, I hope to continue to travel the world and be a missionary. And have lots of cute kids!

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(1) Dietrich von Hildebrand, Fundamental Moral Attitudes, 13.

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Loving the Middle Step

6:00:00 AMEvelyn Hildebrand

beauty Chesterton lonely

The Mirror of Madmen

6:00:00 AMGrace Davies

I and my preoccupations are not all there is in the universe.

I wish I could remember that.

I can remember the million and one things that I have to do in a day, but I can't seem to remember the reality and importance of the world around me. The world outside the narrow limits of my self.

Self-centeredness is a sneaky perpetrator of loneliness. It is a terrible form of solitude to look out at a world of others and meet only my own self. To see the whole world colored only by my own ends and wants. That is a pervasive isolation. And it's frightfully dull, too.

My to-do list expands, glazing over my entire field of vision. I look out at the world without really seeing it. It flickers by me in a blur. It's like I'm looking out at the world through a dirty window. Actually, more accurately, it's like I'm trying to look through a mirror.

Sometimes, I do see the outside world, but then I try to change it to fit - you guessed it - myself. I don't accept situations or people as they come; rather, I wish I could change them to suit my preference. I say to the world, in the words of Shakespeare's The Twelfth Night: "I wish you were as I would have you be!"

Trying to shape the world according to my own image is a hopeless project. But that's actually a good thing, because it would be dreadful if I succeeded! If I alone were in charge of painting the world, the result would be dreadfully dull.

This egotistical mindset was in fact one aspect of the evil of Nazism. Hitler wanted to remake the human race according to his vision of what it should be like. He attempted to accomplish this ultimate vision of humanity through the horrific genocide of an entire demographic. He tired to blot out the beautiful diversity of the real world and repaint it in his own colors.
The result, had he ultimately succeeded, would have been horrific. Hildebrand saw this when he stated: "National Socialism and Hilter as its leader represented the epitome of kitsch -- a flat, gloomy, and incredibly trivial world, a barren and ignorant mindset." (1)

Consider the following poem by G. K. Chesterton, entitled The Mirror of Madmen. The poem masterfully shows what terror would result from the isolation of truly seeing oneself everywhere:

"I dreamed a dream of heaven, white as frost,

The splendid stillness of a living host;
Vast choirs of upturned faces, line o'er line.
Then my blood froze; for every face was mine.

"Spirits with sunset plumage throng and pass,
Glassed darkly in the sea of gold and glass.
But still on every side, in every spot,
I saw a million selves, who saw me not.

"I fled to quiet wastes were on a stone,
Perchance, I found a saint, who sat alone;
I came behind: he turned with slow, sweet grace,
And faced me with my happy, hateful face.

I cowered like one that in a tower doth bide,
Shut in by mirrors upon every side;
Then I saw, islanded in skies alone
And silent, one that sat upon a throne.

"His robe was bordered with rich rose and gold,
Green, purple, silver out of sunsets old;
But o'er his face a great cloud edged with fire,
Because it covereth the world's desire.

"But as I gazed, a silent worshipper,
Methought the cloud began to faintly stir'
Then I fell flat, and screamed with grovelling head,
'If thou has any lightning, strike me dead!

"But spare a brow where the clean sunlight fell,
The crown of a new sin that sickens hell.
Let me not look aloft and see mine own
Feature and form upon the Judgment-throne.'

"Then my dream snapped: and with a heart that leapt
I saw across the tavern where I slept,

The sight of all my life most full of grace,
A gin-damned drunkard's wan half-witted face." (2)

With a world as diverse and beautiful as ours, we really have no good excuse to see only ourselves in it. So once we finally get tired of looking in a mirror all day, we can make a choice. We can toss the mirror aside and clear away the self-centered glaze from our eyes. We can stop painting the world with our dull, lonely colors and try to see the real, rough, beautiful ones. We can stop wishing things were otherwise and start living in the stubborn, beautiful reality of how things really are.

It's time to break out of our room full of the mirrors of self-centeredness - to wake up and see the other faces around us.

(1) Dietrich von Hildebrand, My Battle Against Hitler, 33.
(2) G. K. Chesterton, The Works of Chesterton, 265.

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dignity insecurity lonely

The "Selfie" and the Self

2:29:00 PMKaitlin Fellrath

We live in a culture obsessed with the "selfie."

According to Wikipedia, the selfie is defined as: "a self-portrait photograph, typically taken with a hand-held digital camera or camera phone ... they are usually flattering and made to appear casual."

The typical selfie, however, is anything but casual. The selfie is usually shot from a high angle, which exaggerates the size of the eyes and makes the chin appear more slender and pointed. #casual. When we take a selfie, we often think we are capturing a picture of ourselves, but often it is only the carefully posed and digitally enhanced version.

There is nothing wrong with a selfie in itself. Even the Pope is in on the trend!

But the cultural obsession with the selfie, as evidenced by the popularity of apps like Snapchat, has also engendered some negative effects. A new study shows that the

demand for plastic surgery has risen with the popularity of social media. The selfie preys upon our own insecurities and can lead to an unhealthy obsession with physical perfection that culminates in Botox and nose jobs.

Included with this desire for physical perfection is the desire to impress. We want others (most often those we don't know) to be impressed with our achievements and our travels to distant lands. Which brings us to this disaster:

Most people would acknowledge that taking a selfie at Auschwitz is distasteful and offensive. I also hope that most people would view plastic surgery for the sake of the selfie as disordered.

Why do people take selfies? People often take selfies because they are afraid of being lonely. Because they need to feel connected with and approved of and acknowledged. Because they want to feel included and connected and loved. People long for approval - thus selfies that document every moment of every day. Please approve of my bathroom mirror. Please approve of the places that I go. Please approve of my achievements.

Selfie are not necessarily bad. They can actually be fun. But we must not let ourselves slip into any habit that leads to negative consequences for our selfhood. So think twice the next time you snap a selfie, whether you are at the beach or standing at the Eiffel Tower.

Change

The Pain of the Leper

Loving the Middle Step

The Mirror of Madmen

The "Selfie" and the Self

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