Love. Marriage.
Equality.
These are hot topics these days.
We have to admit, same
sex marriage is starting to look more and more like a social reality. Marriage
defined as the union of one man and one woman is being seriously questioned.
The majority of my peer group definitely sees this transformation of marriage
as very good, especially when it comes to the question of children. Kids that
are stuck in a foster care system or perhaps even unwanted unborn babies now
have the potential to gain two loving parents.
Real talk.
I have known quite a few
same sex couples in my lifetime, and most of them would indeed be great
parents.
These couples are great
people.
They have strengths and weaknesses, just like any other heterosexual
couple. As human beings, we all share the same nature: fragile and sinful at times,
but also capable of great virtue and love. Beyond the labels of homosexual,
heterosexual, bisexual, or whatever, we are all human beings. Good human beings
all have the potential to be great parents. It’s a part of us.
What’s the big deal,
then?
Kathy Faust, a woman
brought up within a same sex marriage, recently wrote an open letter to Justice
Kennedy regarding this very topic, stating that redefining traditional marriage
is a bad idea. She did not lament a traumatic childhood that revealed the failure
of having two mothers. In fact, she clearly tells us that she appreciates and
loves both of her same sex parents. They weren’t horrible parents.
They were good parents.
The problem, she points
out, is that every child needs their mother and father. And a same sex marriage
falls short of a mother and father. “The debate, at its core, is about one
thing,” she writes. “It’s about children.” Same sex marriage strips them of
their fundamental right to a mother and a father.
You may ask, what about
single parents? What about widows? What about adoption, when children are
separated from their biological parents? Would they not all fall short of the
reality of mother and father?
My honest answer is that
I think they do fall short. It is sorrowful, even unavoidable, but they do.
A man should not get a
woman pregnant and then leave her alone.
A husband should not have to die before his time.
A young
mother who was raped should not have to give up her child for adoption.
Unfortunately, these scenarios all happen. But, in the ideal situation, a man
and woman should conceive children and raise them together. The normal state of
affairs is for every child to have a loving mother and father. When this is not
possible, there is a real and raw heartbreak, because someone important is missing
from the equation.
Kathy Faust knows that
fatherhood and motherhood are not just learned social roles that result from cultural
conditioning. The roots of these roles run deeper than ticking off a checklist of parenting traits and habits. Within the fabric of human
life on this earth, fatherhood belongs to man and motherhood belongs to woman.
There are no rules about which traits must go along with each role, because
fathers and mothers are always unique and diverse. Fatherhood and motherhood
are deeply human, personal, and sacred parts of life.
Maybe it sucks to
swallow our pride and admit it, but these roles are
simply not interchangeable.
Two fantastic mothers can never be a father. Two selfless fathers can never be
a mother. And children deserve one of each, because it is how they are made and
exactly what they need.
Kathy Faust had two great mothers, but she missed out
on a father.
She writes:
“When a child is placed in a same-sex-headed household, she will miss out on at least one critical parental relationship and a vital dual-gender influence. The nature of the adults’ union guarantees this. Whether by adoption, divorce, or third-party reproduction, the adults in this scenario satisfy their heart’s desires, while the child bears the most significant cost: missing out on one or more of her biological parents. Making policy that intentionally deprives children of their fundamental rights is something that we should not endorse, incentivize, or promote.”
Now, modern culture recoils
at the idea of denying parenthood to same sex parents. Given that same sex
partners have the potential to be great parents, this denial can seem harsh.
Yet, in spite of the desire of parenthood, we must
ask ourselves: is it truly the place of the government to create policies to
satisfy the individual longings for parenthood outside of common motherhood and
fatherhood?
Kathy Faust thinks that
the government’s responsibility is rather to safeguard a child’s fundamental
right for mother and father, because that is what is legitimately and naturally
best for the society as a whole and for the flourishing of the human persons
within it. Kathy Faust wants public policy to ensure a child’s safe and sound
upbringing, and not to redefine basic human structures in order to satiate the
parenting desires of those who want to break the mold of traditional marriage.
Kathy Faust believes the
natures of fatherhood and motherhood are beyond reconstruction. Do you?
Read the full article
here:
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Theresa Corgan I am a world-ranked Irish dancer, aspiring painter and drawer, truth seeker and coffee drinker. I study Humanities and Catholic Culture and Philosophy. I would love to teach high school students and challenge them to become philosophers in their own right. I also want an Irish dance studio, a painting studio and a bunch of children named after my favorite saints.
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